worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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