so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
