I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i would punch a child for taco bell
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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