Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
