Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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