I like to think it a success when the cops are called
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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