guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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