hell yes lets make some ravioli
You smell like stripper and shame
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
