my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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