good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
