1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
