Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
one might say we're banned from that church
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
