I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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