Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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