is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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