Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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