South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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