I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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