Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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