my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I love you. Go after that dick
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