If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
