He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize