xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
