Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
