waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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