I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
