I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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