whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize