my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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