i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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