the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
