I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
