im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
