I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
