So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
