And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
