Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
