dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
