this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize