Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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