You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
