i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
