Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize