i think i have herpe
just one?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
