Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
