I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
