I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
