this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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