Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
