Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
