its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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