I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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