He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You were trust falling into bushes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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