Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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