All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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