i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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