this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
