I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
