her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
