Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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