Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
