I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
