so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're like the curious george of whores
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
