I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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