sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
