Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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