I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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