im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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