I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
