So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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