Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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