You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
