so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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