Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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