Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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